cc·tv – S1E01 – stupid


monologue  

" Ladies and gentlemen, dear viewers, valued audience and common people!

In the night of the 16th November an accident took place in Linz, caused by an unfortunate combination of hunger, stupidity and alcohol. For the next weeks I would carry a stitched scab on my finger as well as a part of my fingernail, which had to be scraped off and glued back on again during the operation. Here, you can see the scab at close quarters. Don't hesitate to eye the wound! – it is merely a temporary infury.

Allow me to read the diagnosis to you! It is as follows: Vln. reg. phal dist. dig cum laes. unguis et matric. man. l dext
This means that the tip of my index finger on my right hand was split right in the middle. Deep enough to cut into the nail bed, but thankfully not down into the bone!
Because the report further states this: "finger – dorsovolar and on the side: no sign for a fresh, osseous lesion", as a physician would put it!

It happened as follows: A bread like this was supposed to be cut! A plain, simple loaf of bread like the one you see here. Let me recreate the process. Starting the breadcutter is done by unlocking the safety switch and simultaniously depressing the start button. A skillful maneuver, which to my own surprise I was able to rip-off despite my intoxication!

The inside of my fingertip had an unwanted, very incisive contact with the blade.
With my split finger I ran around the flat, spattering blood all over the place. My good hand called the ambulance and soon after I was taken to the hospital.
At this point – at exactly five o'clock in the morning – I was tired enough to pass out right on the operating table! Stitching the wound did not hurt a single bit, all thanks to the very talented nurse who treated me.

The chance meeting of an umbrella and my wound on the operating table did not take place eventually!

I sincerely thank you for your attention! Goodbye! "

 

 

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